One of the most difficult circumstances in my life has been the lesson of learning to let go. Addicted to relationships and the mercy/people person that I am has often led me down a pathway that has caused me much pain and heart ache in my life. But through all the pain and heartache, I am learning how to let go in a healthy way foregoing pain for freedom, woundedness for forgiveness and experiencing great peace and rest. As I have worked on my legitimacy issues, I have come into a new place in relationship with my Father and in so doing, I believe I have discovered a great key to life…learning how to let go and release others to freely move on to their own destinies without me! It’s really not about them moving away, it’s about me maturing into the Daughter of the Most High God that He has intended me to be all along. When He fills all your love hunger needs, you will not need other relationships to do that. What happens is that when you let go, you make room for Him to give you the relationships that He intends for you to have. Believe me; they are much sweeter and much more productive than the ones you try to make happen in your life! High maintenance relationships are not fun and they require great strength physically, emotionally and spiritually to maintain. They just simply ‘wear you out’!
There is also something else that is amazing about letting go…it is the fact that you can let a relationship go in your life in one season and find that in a future season of your life, Father may return that relationship back to you! Hopefully in this case, both parties will have matured in Father’s love and the new relationship can be much healthier than the old one!
I was once taught the principle, ‘would you rather be right or have relationship?’ While there is truth in the fact that we should not demand to have our own way in a relationship [what we demand, we never inherit], this truth can also be flawed if it is fear based. A fear based relationship in the church is the spirit of religion in operation. Anytime fear is the foundation of any so-called truth, we need to step back and look at the reason why we are being motivated by that fear. Father does not use fear to motivate. A toxic relationship exists if either person involved is motivated by fear to stay in the relationship.
What Father wants us to realize is that it is OK to let a relationship go when that relationship is unhealthy. Remember that letting go often isn’t about the other person. More often it is about us! If you are having trouble letting go in a relationship, perhaps the word by T. D. Jakes below will help you. It sure spoke to me!
When people walk away from you, let them go! Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves.
1 John 2:19 Amp says, “They went out from our number, but they did not [really] belong to us; for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us. But [they withdrew] that it might be plain that they are not of us.
People leave us because they are not joined to us, and if they are not joined to you, you cannot make them stay. Let them go. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. You have got to know when peoples’ part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful and I know whatever God means for me to have, He will give to me. If it takes too much sweat, I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to let it go. If you are holding on to past hurts and pains, let them go! If someone can’t treat you right, love you back and see your worth, let them go! If someone has angered you, let it go! If you are holding on to some thought of evil and revenge, let it go! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction, let it go! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents, let it go! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better, let it go! If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him, let it go! If you are struggling with the ailing of a broken relationship, let it go! If you keep trying to help someone who won’t help themselves, let them go! If you’re feeling depressed and stressed, let it go! If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it’ then you need to let it go!
In every circumstance of life, the battle is the Lord’s.