I just realized that for most of my life I’ve had a hidden agenda; hidden I’d hoped from family, friends and co-workers. I don’t believe I had any evil intentions. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, but I constantly found myself stretching the truth, if not outright lying about how I felt personally about a situation, a relationship, or an event. I minimized fault on my part and pointed fingers at others to deflect criticism or responsibility for any failure. I not only took credit when credit wasn’t deserved, but whenever possible I stretched the truth to hopefully make myself look better to others. On one hand I was emotionally, physically and spiritually withdrawn and hiding out of fear of rejection, yet on the other hand I was desperate for love, affection and attention. So you see, my hidden agenda was a confused, twisted and tangled, screaming mess of love hunger being played out day after day with no resolution in sight. No one understood, including myself and hopefully no one discovered my hidden agenda. There was nothing in life worse to me than being found guilty of any offense. Strolling down the lane with my uncontrollable fear was anger, bitterness, hatred or myself and others, unforgiveness, hopelessness, depression and at times suicidal thoughts. Life’s daily function without love, affection and acceptance is not life worth living. I tried anything and everything for satisfaction of my love hunger. The ridiculous part is at that time I didn’t know that love hunger was the root of my problem. I kept doing the same things over and over again resulting in the same disappointment with no clue what to do differently for better results! Life without expressed love is a life of insanity.
My first encounter with true, unconditional, life-changing love came when I met Jesus. That miraculous life-changing encounter put a crack in my wall of self-protection and for the first time in my life challenged my hidden agenda. Through the years as I gratefully processed on my healing journey more and more of my hidden agenda was exposed, confronted and defeated. The weapon used was God’s love and as I personally discovered, His love never fails. The next major victory came when I met Father, Himself. The overwhelming impact of His love entering my life obliterated my hidden agenda, dethroned self and put God on the throne of my life. Now He is my focus, not self. My life is all about fulfilling God’s plan for me. My purpose for living and my destiny are completely wrapped up in my relationship with Him. Thank You, Father, for loving me to life. Abiding in Your forgiveness, grace and unconditional love brings Heaven to earth on a daily basis. My life is now worth living. My goals are attainable because they are God-given. Love hunger no longer drives me for satisfaction. I am free to give love because I have been released to receive love. Honesty and integrity are necessary traits for those who would carry the love of God to a lost and dying world and to the Christian community bound by religious tradition. So you see, our hidden agendas must be honestly exposed, repented of and destroyed if we are to fulfill our purpose and destiny in God. Are you ready?