From Broken to Blessed ~ by Brittney Johnson
This is the story of how Father forever transformed me by his grace and love.
As a small child, I experienced many things that would later shape me into the woman that I am today. I struggled with depression from time to time, believing that I would never be good enough. As I grew older that depression led to rebellion, which in turn led to me contemplating suicide as the only way out of the torment inside my head.
Being brought up in the church, I knew that this was not Father’s plan for my life. Even though I had given my heart to Him in 1994, my full surrender came in 1999. I was on fire for God! For the first time in my life, all of the depression was gone. It was replaced with compassion and love for others fighting this battle called life.
Little did I know at the time, this new found freedom would soon be replaced by worldly desires. In 2002 I started making excuses of why it was ok for me to miss church. Eventually I stopped going all together. Friends, parties, drinking, and lack of a relationship with the Lord soon became the replacement. This was a far different lifestyle from what I was used to, but I was finally accepted by my peers…I felt wanted.
This way of life continued for many years. Sadly enough, it lasted through my getting married in 2006, through the birth of our first child in 2007, and even through the death of my earthly Father in 2011. I was so lost. Had I really allowed this to overcome me? I was a prisoner to my sin when all I truly longed for was to be free again! I still wrestled with depression through the birth of our second child. No matter what I did, I still felt empty.
I filled every second of every day with something to keep me busy. I was constantly on the go, never slowing down. Somehow it made since in my head that if I kept myself busy, I wouldn’t have time to face the reality of the pain that was still lingering. I was still running.
But despite my running, God got my full attention in 2014. He used a situation to prove to me that I am nothing without Him! The hole in my heart that I so desperately tried to fill with the love and acceptance of this world, could only be filled by His love and grace! He healed the roots of my heart that were damaged so long ago. Father restored my life, my marriage, and my relationship with Him! For the first time, I didn’t have to run anymore! I had gone from completing broken, to unbelievably blessed beyond measure! He had never given up on me, even when my faith withered.
Today I stand here before you, totally open and honest, to tell you this:
I see the hurt in your heart! I know how it feels to feel completely alone, abandoned, and not good enough. I know how it feels to feel as if ending it all will fix everything, but it won’t! Only the grace, mercy, and love of our Heavenly Father can heal the hurt in your heart that runs so deep. He is the restorer of your soul! Quit running! Quit blaming everyone else! Quit making excuses! It is time to surrender! Let Father put the joy back in your life and a song of hope on your lips! You have a purpose in the Kingdom of Heaven, so never give up!
Brittney Horsley Johnson